This Girl Right Here....

Is TWO!! Tomorrow!! I swear I have no idea where the time has gone. Life has come and swept us away into the great time-thieving abyss. As tired as I am every night as I lay my head down on my pillow, I wouldn't trade these moments for anything. Trying to take the advice of my elders, I take mental pictures of things I don't want to forget. I try to store them away only to bring them back out for sentimental moments.
Things I want to remember about Lane right now are listed below. However, I can promise you I'm missing a hundred others. Try me as she may, she has completely stolen my heart.
1. The way she looks when she wakes up. Completely disheveled. Hair a big ole mess...
2. The first thing she asks for in the morning is cocoa (milk with a drip of chocolate syrup). Then she raids the fridge like a ravenous monster, only she picks the same things each time: a waffle or a bagel.
3. She asks for gum like it's going out of style. All of the time. When she's given gum, she does a little happy dance that is to die. I want to always remember that little dance. I hope she does it for her whole life.
4. She steals my yogurt and granola every. single. time. Sometimes I hide it from her so I can actually eat it myself.
5. She's an awesome napper.
6. She would follow Bubby to the moon. Bird on the other hand...phew. They are like oil and water sometimes. This is what I hear is the case from other three-children families as well. That's a birth order study waiting to happen.
7. Her favorite foods are macaroni, pizza, spaghetti, apples and gum.
8. By the way, gum is every kind of candy. Not just gum. This often confuses people.
9. She loves her dance class. Especially tap. But if she's hanging out while I'm having big-girl rehearsals, she will improv to any song that moves her. This of course, moves me. The girl has got skills already. Watch out world =)
10. When she runs, it looks like her little stick legs are going to give out at any moment. And she only swings one arm.
11. She prefers anyone else's carseat to her own in the car. To get her to stop crying we have to blast the music and roll down all of the windows.
12. She throws up in the car at least once a week. You would think I'd learn to carry towels and extra clothes. But I don't. Whatever. I'm used to the smell by now. The boys, are not. They hold their noses for the rest of the ride. It's hilarious.
13. She's a real life bully. Anyone smaller than her (think crawling babies)- she steps on. And laughs. Newly walking babies? She pushes down. I can't stop her. We will have to figure this issue out before preschool. I would rather not be called to the principal's office on a daily basis.
14. She's a purse digger. Any unoccupied purse or bag will be dug through and cleaned out. All in search of lip (gloss or chapstick) or you guessed it, gum.
15. She's fluent in iPhone. And queen of the selfie. I pray that goes away by the time she actually knows what she's doing. The day she makes a duck-face is the day I die.
16. She LOVES to snuggle on the couch and watch TV. DIY Network to be exact. With blankie and Kip. Kip is her bunny and we have no idea where his name came from. But I love it. And yes, we have two =)
17. When she's sleeping, she still makes a sucking motion with her lips. I could watch her do it for hours.
18. She has a ridiculous underbite. We need to start saving for her ortho bills now. Think bulldog. (see above picture)
19. She HATES when mommy leaves...except if there is a babysitter there. Because babysitters play "games"- which is immediately what she says when they walk in the door.
20. Whenever Gramma Gail calls on FaceTime, she immediately asks for Papa. And it drives Gramma crazy. Pretty sure that's why she does it.
21. Girlfriend loves shoes. And getting dressed. Again. We need to start saving. Or she needs to get a job.

Lane Michelle, I know you are only embarking on the second year of your life. However, there are a few things that I want you to know as you grow older. Know that I wish nothing but beautiful things for your life, little one. There will be dark moments and grey days, but you will get through them. Stay spunky. Give those boys a run for their money. Settle for no one or no thing. Make waves. Leave impressions. Stand up for something. Or someone. Be a best friend. Laugh every day. Be selfish once in awhile. But don't forget the importance of being selfless. Be humble but confident. Know your strengths and be open to working on your weaknesses. Never stop learning. Take a moment to appreciate your life every day.

P.S.
You're lucky you're the baby. Because had you been the first, you would have been the last.

Love ya baby,
Mommy
XOXO

Changes

Changes. It's funny to see how different personalities react to them. To some, it's exciting. A new adventure. Something to look forward to. This is me. For others, it's scary. It's nerve-wracking. Just the thought of it keeps them up for days. This my friends, is exactly how my sweet Drake Matthew reacts. Just. Like. His. Father. It's crazy. Same face. Same brain structure. So yes. I'm already taking applications for raising him through his teenage years...anyway. Back to the point.
We've been prepping Drake for Kindergarten since he started Pre-K 4. The first time. From day one- his response was ALWAYS- Nah. I don't want to go to Kindergarten. I'm going to stay with Mrs. Robinette for one more year. So we did. We stayed with her for one more year. Yet no one was surprised when at the end of year two, he stated that he would like just one more year. In fact, he told the entire class, "Don't worry if you're not ready for Kindergarten, you can stay with her one more year!" So thoughtful this kid.
Anyway, so we make it to one week before Kindergarten before the jitters kick in. He can't fall asleep. He gets whiny. Tears prick his eyes often. Just. Like. His. Father. The night before Kindergarten...forget about it. Sleep wasn't happening. Lots of pacing was though! He looked like a father waiting for his kid to get home from a night out. He's such an old soul. For this I love him.
But this kid. This kid woke up for his first day of school like a champ. Ready for his new adventure. He was facing it head on. Ready to conquer. And so I kissed him goodbye. Tightened his little backpack (that still is waaaayyyyy too big for his little frame) and sent him to school with Dad. He thinks this is pretty cool. I however....I do not.
I miss chatting with the teacher every morning- even if briefly. I miss checking out the classroom to see all of the fun projects that they are up to. I miss being in the know....Heck.  Let's not beat around the bush here. I miss just being with him. He's the creator of all things imaginative in our house. Trey is still not sure what to do without him. Lane walks around all day saying- Where's Bub? (well, it sounds much more like "wha Bub?" in her husky little voice). I answer- "he's at school!" and she says "huh?" and then we start all over again. But truly, we miss him. There's some days where I don't see him until he's headed to bed. This makes me sad. Then he tells me things like, "I don't have anyone to sit with at lunch"...then my heart breaks. Into a million pieces. And I think- forget it. I'll homeschool. I'll sit with him every day for lunch.... except we ALL know that I'm a much better mother to my kids when I get a break from them once in awhile (can I get an AMEN! ??). So, back to school he goes. However, I know my little boy. And I know how smart and fun and cute he is. And I know soon enough he'll have more friends than he'll know what to do with. This. This makes me hopeful.
So for now, I've had to let go and let God (well, and Matt) lead my little man every school morning. I'll let them do the heavy lifting for a little while. Heck, while they are at it, maybe they can do the homework too?? (who has ever heard of homework in Kindergarten??!!)

Restless Life Syndrome

I can't help but feel restless about where I am in life on this boring, rainy day. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE what I do. I love the girls that I teach...love the rush I get when my creative juices are flowing...love watching them live on stage...but I feel like there's something more out there for me. Something untapped.
As all of you moms out there know-- doing anything for yourself while raising kids is next to impossible. I go to bed every night thinking to myself, "Tomorrow I'm going to whip up such and such pattern for Lane, test it out, see if I could sell it" or "Tomorrow I want to go through the camera, edit some pics, get them off to the printer." Then tomorrow comes and a gazillion other things come up. Puking kids. Clean the house. Make a few calls. All the while I think, "I'll get to that tonight when the kids go to bed." Then bedtime comes and goes and I finally sit down for the day and I'm wiped. There's no chance that I'm heading into my craft cave. No way I'm opening that computer. 
Or, I actually sit at my computer for a few hours or finally finish that sewing project that has been sitting on my desk for months and when it's all over with, I look at my disaster of a house, complete with empty cereal boxes, milk cups strewn about and underwear clad kids and feel guilty about not doing something fun with them. Something memorable. 
I don't want my kids to look back on their childhood and remember a mommy that worked all of the time. But in the same breath, I don't want them to remember a mommy that didn't follow her passions or ambitions.  I keep thinking that it will get easier to follow such passions once the kids get into school, but I'm not a patient person! I want to start now! And I definitely don't want to wish these precious years away...I treasure every day I get to spend with them (okay- most days. I'd say 75% of them. Okay. It's probably more like 50/50...you get what I'm saying here). 
I need to find a balance. A way to do it all. Okay. I'm motivated now. Be prepared.

Baby Fever

With so many people around me having babies or trying to have babies, it's hard to not think about having another. I love, love, love those first days with baby. Being in the hospital (call me crazy) is like a mini vacay. Think about it. I don't have to clean. I don't have to cook. People wait on ME hand and foot. I remember when Lane was born...I thought...do I HAVE to go home now?? I mean the food's not great, but come on, all I had to do was snuggle with my teensy, weensie little love bug who smells so amazing (what is that smell anyway??!!). In bed. With a t.v. Watching what I want to watch. Sleeping when I want to sleep (except when those annoying blood suckers come in at all hours of the morning- what's with that??). But then my 48 hours is up and they force me out. They say my time is up. Go home. Be a mom to ALL of your kids. 
*humph* Fine. 
But still, we had this new little person. Who really doesn't need much. Some milk here and there. Lots of snuggles. Lots of diapers. But Lane slept so much, that for a moment I thought- Huh. This is easy. What's all of the fuss about? I can do this! Three kids is cake! Life is GOOD! So I spent my maternity leave in this blissful little bubble. No work. All snuggles. Then my bubble popped. And reality came storming back in. This is why I say that women should take their maternity leave when their babies turn 6 weeks old. At least that's when I should have taken mine (not that I really took one with my last two!!). But at 6 weeks, all hell broke loose. Lane (and let's be honest- the other two as well), all of a sudden, became little life suckers. Crying. All. Of. The. Time. Wanting to be bounced. All. Of. The. Time. They hated everything. The car seat. The swing. Being swaddled. Not being swaddled. Bottles. Pacifiers. All of it. Except bouncing. That's when Matt and I looked at each other and said, "What on Earth were we thinking???" I remember feeling that I was neglecting the boys, because well, I was. Lane needed so much attention. Her naps got shorter. Sometimes non-existent. She hated her father (for reasons unknown- wink, wink). So that left me to be the lone ranger when it came to Lane. Trey became clingy. Drake even said once that he wished we didn't have another baby so that I could spend more time with him. Mommy Guilt set in big time. 
But life continued on. 
And things got easier. 
At least a little.
Lane is becoming more and more self sufficient. I can spend more time hanging out with ALL of the kids, making sure each one knows exactly how special he or she is to me.  But now that Lane is coming up on the age that I would usually get pregnant again, people often say to us- "Have one more. You have three already...what's ONE more?" Heck, Drake is even known to ask for another little sister from time to time. And sometimes I entertain the idea. How bad could it really be?..... But then I think about all of the things that were fun to go through (3 times remember) but that I'd really rather not do again (i.e. baby food, crawling (hey! they get flithy!! and remind me of how dirty my floors are all of the time!!), teething (yes- we are still in this stage!), etc., etc.). And I imagine how much less time I would have for each of my already existent little people and I know that 3 is the number for me.   
So, as jealous (and I mean like green with envy) as I am of you all that are having your sweet little people right now, I know the limits to my sanity.  And our pocketbook. 

If only someone could bottle up that baby smell...