I only recently discovered how important these moments are for me. For my mental wellness. For my emotional stability as a human being. Granted, I used to judge those moms that seemed to run away from their families to indulge in a GNO* or a day at the spa. I thought, "How selfish!!?? Why wouldn't so-and-so WANT to be with their family ALL of the time?" But folks. I get it now. And I whole-heartedly apologize to those moms I so blindly judged.
As a (mostly) SAHM** there are days where I don't connect with another adult until dark. My days consist of who needs what and how fast. What can I throw their way to keep their little hands and big minds busy. Naps are few and far between. They are MUCH too busy for those. Once one mess is cleaned up, another occurs. Literally, I cleaned up THREE full sippy cups of milk yesterday. By the third, it was almost amusing. Almost. But there's no use in crying over spilled milk. (Although I'm not too ashamed to admit that it's pushed me over the edge a time or two.)
To the parents that get to go to work every day: There are days that I envy you. And I'm sure that there are days that you envy me. I'm sure that there are days where you'd love nothing more than to hang at home and snuggle on the couch while watching movies, playing games and baking cookies. But in reality, those kind of days are a rarity. Usually it goes something like this: Make the breakfast, clean up the breakfast. Get dressed. Wait- someone pooped. Clean up the poop. Oh- you're hungry again? No wait- milk? Ok. Here you go. Oh- you didn't want that cup? Huh? It's what time? Get your shoes on! We are late!! Get your butts in the car... You forgot what? Show and tell? Well pick something! We are LATE! Get in the car!! What? You have to pee? Haven't you done that 14 times already this morning? Ugh. Go pee. The door's locked? Who locked the bathroom door?? WE ARE LATE!! Get in the car. Lane. Pick a carseat. Any carseat will do. T! Let's go! What? Your shirt hurts your armpits?? It's fine. We. Have. To. Go.... Is that pee on your shorts? Where is your backpack?? .... You get the idea. My point was. When you go to work you get a few things. You get quiet car rides. You get to walk into a building without undo-ing carseats and carrying someone on your hip. You get to maybe sit at a desk or sip your coffee and think about nothing at all. Maybe you even get to close your office door and have a moment of just "being". You get to have a whole coherent thought without a little person interrupting that thought. You get to just worry about yourself. At home, I can lock myself in my room, but it won't change the fact that there are little people on the other side of that door who can't get through the day without my assistance. And please don't get me wrong- MOST days I LOVE that that's the case. I adore my children more than life. They are perfect little beings (Yes- perfect. Even if only in my eyes.) that I was blessed with.
I love that I have people that depend on me. I'm freaking Wonder Woman in their eyes. If that's not a confidence booster, I don't know what is. I can fix just about any toy (or maybe I try and fail...but by then they've forgotten about it). I can fill their bellies with yumminess and spoil them with love and Skittles. I can cuddle the grumpies out of just about anyone. I can fix boo-boo's (or at least hide them). But at the end of it all.... I just need a freaking minute. And I don't think that's asking too much. Whether it's Barre class or a coffee with another mom who goes through the same or let's be honest, a beer to make my mind feel just fuzzy enough that I forget about my responsibilities for a minute, I don't think that I'm being selfish or insensitive. I think that if I went to a 9 to 5 job, I would get a lunch break and like a 15 minute recess or something. So I think that I should be granted the same at home. Right? Right.
Now. When I walk out the door to take these moments, I'm usually leaving crying children and a husband that looks less than thrilled about the fact that I'm leaving. This causes major mommy/wife guilt. So I usually spend the car ride to wherever I'm going trying to decide whether or not I should just turn the car around. They all need me! What will they do while I'm gone? What if I'm causing permanent damage to their psyche? Then I hit a stop light. Take a deep breath. And remember that the world will not stop turning because I'm taking some much needed me time. I'm reminded what a dear friend once said- your kids are only truly happy when mommy is happy. If mommy is stressed, tired, worn out, beat down...the kiddos will pick up on that. Then our pulled-too-tight-as-it-is-patience wears thin and we all know what happens then. We as moms, can only put our best foot forward when we take care of ourselves. So, it's only fair to everyone that we do so.
I urge all of you- moms and dads alike- take moments for yourself. Let the naysayers and non-parents judge away. They have NO idea what it's like to be in your shoes. Until you are a parent, you have NO IDEA what it's like to be needed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There is nothing comparable. Show me a job with such an importance as RAISING HUMAN BEINGS and I'll give you 10 reasons why it's harder to be a parent. So with that being said. Go to the gym. Take that class you've been eyeing. Hide away at the beach with a book. Grab a beer with a friend. The world will not stop spinning because you take a minute to just be you. And guess what? The kids will be just fine. In fact, they'll be better than fine. Because with a happy you- they are at their happiest too.
XOXO-
*Girl's Night Out ;)
**Stay at Home Mom
