Restless Life Syndrome

I can't help but feel restless about where I am in life on this boring, rainy day. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE what I do. I love the girls that I teach...love the rush I get when my creative juices are flowing...love watching them live on stage...but I feel like there's something more out there for me. Something untapped.
As all of you moms out there know-- doing anything for yourself while raising kids is next to impossible. I go to bed every night thinking to myself, "Tomorrow I'm going to whip up such and such pattern for Lane, test it out, see if I could sell it" or "Tomorrow I want to go through the camera, edit some pics, get them off to the printer." Then tomorrow comes and a gazillion other things come up. Puking kids. Clean the house. Make a few calls. All the while I think, "I'll get to that tonight when the kids go to bed." Then bedtime comes and goes and I finally sit down for the day and I'm wiped. There's no chance that I'm heading into my craft cave. No way I'm opening that computer. 
Or, I actually sit at my computer for a few hours or finally finish that sewing project that has been sitting on my desk for months and when it's all over with, I look at my disaster of a house, complete with empty cereal boxes, milk cups strewn about and underwear clad kids and feel guilty about not doing something fun with them. Something memorable. 
I don't want my kids to look back on their childhood and remember a mommy that worked all of the time. But in the same breath, I don't want them to remember a mommy that didn't follow her passions or ambitions.  I keep thinking that it will get easier to follow such passions once the kids get into school, but I'm not a patient person! I want to start now! And I definitely don't want to wish these precious years away...I treasure every day I get to spend with them (okay- most days. I'd say 75% of them. Okay. It's probably more like 50/50...you get what I'm saying here). 
I need to find a balance. A way to do it all. Okay. I'm motivated now. Be prepared.

Baby Fever

With so many people around me having babies or trying to have babies, it's hard to not think about having another. I love, love, love those first days with baby. Being in the hospital (call me crazy) is like a mini vacay. Think about it. I don't have to clean. I don't have to cook. People wait on ME hand and foot. I remember when Lane was born...I thought...do I HAVE to go home now?? I mean the food's not great, but come on, all I had to do was snuggle with my teensy, weensie little love bug who smells so amazing (what is that smell anyway??!!). In bed. With a t.v. Watching what I want to watch. Sleeping when I want to sleep (except when those annoying blood suckers come in at all hours of the morning- what's with that??). But then my 48 hours is up and they force me out. They say my time is up. Go home. Be a mom to ALL of your kids. 
*humph* Fine. 
But still, we had this new little person. Who really doesn't need much. Some milk here and there. Lots of snuggles. Lots of diapers. But Lane slept so much, that for a moment I thought- Huh. This is easy. What's all of the fuss about? I can do this! Three kids is cake! Life is GOOD! So I spent my maternity leave in this blissful little bubble. No work. All snuggles. Then my bubble popped. And reality came storming back in. This is why I say that women should take their maternity leave when their babies turn 6 weeks old. At least that's when I should have taken mine (not that I really took one with my last two!!). But at 6 weeks, all hell broke loose. Lane (and let's be honest- the other two as well), all of a sudden, became little life suckers. Crying. All. Of. The. Time. Wanting to be bounced. All. Of. The. Time. They hated everything. The car seat. The swing. Being swaddled. Not being swaddled. Bottles. Pacifiers. All of it. Except bouncing. That's when Matt and I looked at each other and said, "What on Earth were we thinking???" I remember feeling that I was neglecting the boys, because well, I was. Lane needed so much attention. Her naps got shorter. Sometimes non-existent. She hated her father (for reasons unknown- wink, wink). So that left me to be the lone ranger when it came to Lane. Trey became clingy. Drake even said once that he wished we didn't have another baby so that I could spend more time with him. Mommy Guilt set in big time. 
But life continued on. 
And things got easier. 
At least a little.
Lane is becoming more and more self sufficient. I can spend more time hanging out with ALL of the kids, making sure each one knows exactly how special he or she is to me.  But now that Lane is coming up on the age that I would usually get pregnant again, people often say to us- "Have one more. You have three already...what's ONE more?" Heck, Drake is even known to ask for another little sister from time to time. And sometimes I entertain the idea. How bad could it really be?..... But then I think about all of the things that were fun to go through (3 times remember) but that I'd really rather not do again (i.e. baby food, crawling (hey! they get flithy!! and remind me of how dirty my floors are all of the time!!), teething (yes- we are still in this stage!), etc., etc.). And I imagine how much less time I would have for each of my already existent little people and I know that 3 is the number for me.   
So, as jealous (and I mean like green with envy) as I am of you all that are having your sweet little people right now, I know the limits to my sanity.  And our pocketbook. 

If only someone could bottle up that baby smell... 

iLane 1.0

iLane 1.0

Release Date: 11.22.11

Specs: 18 lbs. / 27 1/2 inches high 

Features: Macaroni Lover. Prefers milk to anything else. Including juice. Any kind of juice. Forget about it. Favorite pastime: getting into trouble. Never leave a phone or remote unattended. Enjoys eating playing in the dirt and playing with her brothers. 

That is when they don't lock her out of their room (can you believe they are doing that already??).  And she has to have everything they have (can you believe she is doing that already??). She hates anything in her hair. And having her diapers changed. And sitting in a high chair. Or a cart with a seat belt. Stealing smoothies and iced coffees at cheer practice or the dance studio has become something of a game to her. She loves to dance. She has the funniest little dance she does in the carseat. I can't tell you how many accidents I've barely avoided because I was watching her in the rear view mirror instead of watching the road. Current vocabulary is limited. Words include mama and all done. Although we swear that last night she said: Hi Michelle. Expect vocab to improve with updates. 


Cost: Priceless. Duh. 

Reviews: 4 out of 5 stars. HA! Just kidding. She's like 10 out of 5 stars. A definite "must-have" for the season. She is the love of our lives. I can't remember what life was like before her...oh wait. Yes I do. Life was a little easier. Okay. A lot easier. But it sure wasn't as fun. Or as pink =) However, we suggest the iLane 2.0 like to sleep a little more. Just a smidge. 

The Middle Child Syndrome

My poor, poor Trey Bird. It's not your fault. It's my fault. You didn't ask to be born second. You didn't ask to have a little sister. You had no idea that being a middle child could change your life forever.

I'm so sorry.
I wrote Drake's birthday blog.
I just wrote Lane's birthday blog.
I forgot your birthday blog. Ugh.

I googled "Middle Child Syndrome"...it's awful. So many people calling it a fate worse than death. Middle children are lonely. Are left out. Are withdrawn. But you my son, are none of those things. You are full of life. You are your brother's best friend. You are the little boy that Lane loves to constantly bother. I look at you like the meat of our baby sandwich. You're the good stuff.

As a big three year old, here are a few things I want to remember about you:
1. Movies are your FAVORITE thing. You would watch movies all day long (and night) if we let you.
2. You love to nap. So much so, you often go to bed after mommy & daddy.
3. Bubble....bubble, bubble, bubble. It's what you call candy. And you want it all. of. the. time.
4. Chocolate milk is still your drink of choice. You still call it CoCo.
5. You don't like breakfast.
6. Green is the ONLY color option.
7. Hair cuts are not your favorite thing. Hence the reason you can't see anything at the moment.
8. Cuts and scrapes are a major deal. They must immediately be covered and you do NOT want to talk about them. You will hide them at all costs.
9. You are obsessed with playing with guys...but the miniature guys. And you call them babies- like "Baby Green Lantern". It's a-freaking-dorable.
10. You are hands down, the grumpiest kid I know. But I don't care. I think it's cute. I'm kind of grumpy too =)

Anyway. My vow to you as your mother, is to make sure you never feel left out. Or are lonely. You will always be my little man. My snuggle-bug. My Trey Bird.

Love ya babe. Happy belated birthday.

Draker Baker

I am more than a little embarrassed that I haven't blogged since February. February? Come on Michelle. You can do better than that! I mean, I know the problem. When I go to blog about something, I think: Okay. Let's do this. But then I think- well, I want those pictures I just took off of the camera (5-10 minutes). Then I'll want to tweak said photos (and let's be honest here- once I start it's hard to stop- so let's estimate at least an hour). Then I have to actually WRITE the post. This is the easiest part, but the stuff leading up to it seems so overwhelming when I've only got, oh I don't know, 5 SECONDS to myself at any given time, that I just decide not to do it at all. Then I've missed a moment to document all of the amazing things my kids have done. Then I feel incredibly guilty. Then someone needs their butt wiped and all is forgotten until another blogging moment rears it's head. 

So, this is me, turning a new leaf. Succumbing to the fact that sometimes, the pictures do NOT need to be perfect to post. That sometimes, it's okay to just blog about the little things that I never want to forget. Please hold me accountable =)

Now...onto the main show. I missed blogging about an incredibly special day. June 14th. Five years ago it marked the best day of my life. The day I became a mommy. I will never forget the feeling of that little person leaving my belly (no worries- I'm not going to go into any gory details) and being placed into my arms (after all of the gunk was cleaned off of course- daddy wouldn't have it any other way!). I knew that my life would be changed forever. 

Drake, you are the funniest little kid. One day I'm going to write a book, and son, your one-liners are going to be a BIG part of that book. You are incredibly imaginative. That's important in life...and will make you an amazing father. You are smart. You never forget a name or a person you've met or what someone said. I swear you NEVER forget anything. However, when you get into trouble, your go-to line is "I forgot I wasn't supposed to do that!" Guess what? We know you didn't forget =) You love waffles. And soup with bread. You only like spiral macaroni and will tolerate chicken nuggets- although you are over McDonald's- which I am immensely grateful for. You love chocolate milk and root beer. And candy. And you have the cavities to prove it! 

You love to listen to music. And sing and have dance parties. You know the words to ALL of the top 40 songs. You can sing "Call me Maybe" front to back. It's really cute. Keep up this talent son- trust me on this. Girls LOVE a man that can sing. You are an awesome swimmer. Michael Phelps and the rest of the US Olympic team inspired you this summer! You love to do "Boy" things, like climbing trees and fishing. But most importantly, you are a good person. I'm not going to pretend that you aren't nasty once in awhile, but as a whole, you are so so good. You are always concerned about your siblings, making sure that if you get something, they get it too. You never want anyone's feeling to be hurt. You have such a sweet heart. You make me so proud. 

I read a quote the other day and I immediately thought of you. "My child is simultaneously the most amazing, frustrating, terrifying, awesome creature alive." I can't wait to see what's in store for you. Big things....big, big things. You just wait =)

Beach Day

Went to the beach today. With three kids. By myself. 

What in the **bleeeeeeppppppp** was I thinking?

Yes. I brought this much stuff. And yes, the tent poles are on the wrong side of the tent. Don't judge. **Side Note: I have a few words for all of the old men who just watched me do this. Thanks for the help. 

But then I see them playing so, so well together...and for a moment, all of the work is worth it. 

This makes it a little worth it too *sigh*...

Power Rangers go everywhere with us. 

And what about the look on those faces?? 

My cup runneth over...

And Over....

And Over.

(In his defense, after he made his heart, he told me that it looked more like a toilet. I agreed.)

Needless to say, I'll do it all again. And enjoy every minute of it. Sand fleas and all. 

Too Fast

Because it's all going too fast....

Laner Tuna Gangster

To My Sweet Baby Lane,
If I'm going to be perfectly honest with you (and I always want to be, perfectly honest with you)...I never envisioned myself with a daughter. From the day that I decided I wanted to be a mommy, I always saw myself with boys. I guess it's because I was never a fan of all of the drama or the fluff that so often are part of the territory when it comes to girls- little and big. So when I had your brothers, I was in my comfort zone. I don't remember being nervous one single minute about raising them...being a mommy to them. I've always trusted myself and your father (ahem) to teach them to be strong, polite, charming and smart little boys. But when the doctor (after a few tries mind you) finally figured out that Daddy and I were having you- a little girl- my heart nearly leaped out of my chest. I literally said- "What am I going to do with a girl??"!! Everyone assumes that because I work with girls nearly everyday of my life, that I would be over the moon about having a girl. But that's not exactly how I felt. I was nervous. Scared. What if you didn't like me? What if we don't end up being the bestest of friends when we are old and grey? What if I don't raise you to be a strong, independent and loving woman? So many questions wandered through my mind for the next 4 or so months.
As tutus and tights and all things pink made their way into our home, I kept trying to picture how you would change our family. I had no idea how the boys would react to you inserting yourself into our lives. All I could do was hope and pray that God knew what he was doing. 
Well guess what?
He did. He totally knew. He gave us you. Beautiful, wonderful, special, little you. From the moment I saw you, all my worries flew out the window. I took one look at you and knew that you were what was missing from our little family, even if we never realized it. I can say with confidence that you and I will be the bestest of friends. Your daddy will be your knight in shining armor and brothers will be your best protectors. You will be loved to the moon and back. And chances are, you will be one tough cookie. And that my love, will make you an amazing woman.....with the nickname, Laner Tuna Gangster. Sorry. You can blame your brothers for that one. 
XOXO,
Mommy  

Brother Lovin'

(His smile says 1,000 words)

Underneath the boys' tough exterior, I've witnessed in the past few weeks, how truly sweet they are on the inside. When the stomach bug overtook our home, I watched Trey rub Drake's back as he was hovering over the toilet and Drake return the favor by rubbing Trey's hair when it was his turn to worship the porcelain god. I often hear Drake translating for Trey to outsiders and making sure that he always has his toys or gets his chocolate milk. One always sticks up for the other while being scolded or punished with time outs. They are both artists when it comes to helping the other escape from timeout...it's super irritating, but makes me extremely proud that they care so greatly for each other. 

Now, da da da daaaa! Lane Michelle has arrived. Albeit, early, she's here. She's perfect (aren't they all??) and she is already loved by these boys. The boys first met Lane via Facetime. I was sure to take a mental picture of their faces as they lit up by the sight of their new baby sister. It was like Christmas morning...but better. Because unlike the latest Power Ranger, Lane will be their sister for life. When the boys finally got to the hospital, they couldn't get their hands on her fast enough. Instantly, Drake let her know how much he loved her. And Trey, aka, the Bull in the China Shop, enveloped her with many bear hugs and just smushed kisses all over her. It melted my heart. Our family felt complete. 

Now, I'm no dummy. I get that this new little addition will often drive her brothers crazy and no doubt, they will put a damper on a day or two of hers....but it doesn't matter. They are siblings. Through and through. I can only hope that they will be as thick as thieves. That they will be there for each other in the good and the bad. That as adults, they will be great friends and raise their families together...Okay, I know I'm pushing it here... But I hope that they always remember the good times and cherish what they have, I know that I will. 
"There is so much to be thankful for this holiday season." Amen...Happy Thanksgiving...

A Rainy Day

I post this picture with high hopes...

I knew from the minute I woke up on this incredibly rainy morning that I wanted to do two things today, sew and veg. I could hear the rain pelting the roof and immediately smiled at the thought of the boys being lazy on the couch while I sewed away in the craft room. My morning went exactly as planned. We dropped Drake off at school and rushed home to slide back into sweats and socks. Trey snuggled up on the couch to eat breakfast and watch Backyardigans. Score. 
Now, that Drake is home from school, my hopes and dreams are being crushed. Although Trey is still being the good son that I trained him to be (wink, wink), Drake is dying to do something. Anything. Even as I type this blog (I thought Transformers would distract him for longer than a nano-second) he is whining at me for something (although I'm not sure what it is at the moment because I'm trying concentrate on typing lol). 
It started with hot chocolate. Check. I thought that sounded good too. Then he saw me pick up my computer, which must have reminded him that there was a Netflix movie that he wanted to watch. Well, too bad, I say. Mommy is working. Go get YOUR laptop and watch it. No. Not good enough.  There are vampires in my room...Whine, whine, whine.....can you get me garlic to protect myself with? Whine, whine, whine....No. I'm not kidding. But that's a whole-other entry all together. Then it was, well I want to play a game on my computer. Fine. Go do that. Well, I don't know how to get it started (which is code for, "I don't know how to play the game I want, so you need to stop doing what you're doing and play with me.") Did I mention that I wanted to veg today? It's like they have a sixth sense for your need to just sit for a moment. Is it really that difficult?
So, being the mom that I am, I guess I will close out this brief, but necessary entry (for my sanity- who else I am going to vent to?) to yet again, tend to the children. Now I know why people have live-in nannies. I gots to get me one of those ;)